


Nicotine kisses and crimson haze

by stardustlovers



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2018-04-01 19:38:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4032166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustlovers/pseuds/stardustlovers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin is twelve and he is in love with a girl that is gentle and plays by the rules<br/>Remus Lupin is twenty two and he is in love with a man that is fierce and a total rebel.<br/>And it's alright.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nicotine kisses and crimson haze

**Author's Note:**

> Ok,so,a couple things before you start reading :
> 
> -English is not my first language,so I am really sorry if I mess something up
> 
> -This is my first attempt at a fic ever,so please don't be to cruel if it's shitty.
> 
> -Could you guys review and/or comment it,please? Tell me what you guys think about it.
> 
> -I do not own any of the characters and all that stuff,frankly,I am not even british.
> 
> -I hope you guys enjoy it.

It's 5 am and Remus is only twelve. He tiptoes his way to the common room and gets himself a cup of tea before crawling back to bed. 

There's a big window,there,and he hopes to see the sunrise.

The night melts into a crimson haze and he thinks of a girl.He thinks,too,about all the freckles on her nose that she gained this summer and how he missed her during it. She has piercing green eyes and thinks the world is a mistery she will someday solve. She helps him in charms and he teaches all he can about defence. She reads him poetry and he doesn't think it's stupid.It's a little past 5,and Remus thinks of a girl with crimson hair and loud laughter. A girl that is soft corners and sharp words,who is brave and bold and kind. Remus thinks of a girl that is a lion,a true Griffindor,a girl that is everything he is not. A girl that stands up for the underdogs,a girl that helps other with their homework. A girl that rolled her eyes when he introduced her to his friends,but always said "please" and "thank you" to teachers and prefects.

It's a little past four,and Lily lays her head in his shoulders. Her hair fells just like the autum leaves,falling in her back in auburn locks and smelling like nature.

-So,do you have a crush?-She asks,because,hell,she's Lily Evans and she's feeling bold today.

-Well,I guess so.-He shrugs his shoulders and she lets go of his hand.For a second,Remus thinks he did something wrong,but then he hears her laughter and she gets up.

-Who's the girl,then?

-I'm not telling you,Lily!

She helps him get up so now they are staring each other and she is standing a bit too close. She touches the back of his hands and his world stops.

They are touching.

And,sure,they’ve touched before – bumped shoulders, knocked elbows, hugged even– but nothing like this.

There was something in it. Intent. Desire. And they know – they both know – that him not moving away the instant her hand touched his, and her not moving away either – means something. Something new.

She likes him, his good manners and his smart remarks,his quiet tolerance and easy affability,so when he leans in just a bit,she leans in too.His skin is soft and smells of books, and the way he smiles trough it makes her insides go warm.She wants to get carried away by this – in this – and he’s making it all too easy to forget the reasons they shouldn’t be here, but all the same, his lip's still on her's.

It's a short kiss,and rather a messy one,but still,it's their kiss to share,their warm lips and uneasy tongues dancing out of rythym,it's his hands resting on her waist before they pull apart.

Lily press a kiss to his cheeks and walks to her bedroom,and Remus keep thinking of that kiss when he seats across her in the dining hall,and,later on,when he lays in bed. He doesn't tell the Maradeur's. She will remain his secret for many years.

It's a little past 9 and Lily's on the common room. James and Peter are doing a transfiguration paper they are suposed to deliver tomorrow,so Lily sits on the couch and puts her legs in Sirius lap. They share moments like this sometimes,ever since they first bonded over James Potter and broken families.He asks her if she has a crush.

-Umm...I supose Remus Lupin is not that bad. Frankly,he's kinda of cute.-She says,bitting her lips so she willl not tell him more,tell him what happened.

He snorts.

-Well,I guess so,his brown hair and skinny limbs,and you should seee him when he laughs,Lily,he gets dimples,Lily,dimples! Also,he is soooo nice,have you seen him with the first years? He is such a sweetheart and,oh god,Lils,you should see him in his pajamas,he looks so cute.

She raises an eyebrown,suspiciusly.He chokes.

-I mean,If I had to pick a dude,that is.Not that that's happening anytime soon.Or ever,for that matter.

-You know,it's not like there would be any problem in it,Sirius.Just saying.

They talk about Charms,for a while,and then he wanders off to play chess and she burries her face in a book,so it's quite a shock to Lily when she realises they are only people there and that it's already past midnight and Sirius,all droppy eyed and yawing sits by her side on the sofa.

-Lily,I...I think I have a crush.

-That's great,Sirius,tell me more.-She says,putting aside her book.

-I think I have a crush on a guy. To be honest,I think I have a crush on Remus.-He blurts out,his cheeks turning red as he speaks,burrying his head in his hands.

-Oh.-Lily is surprised, although she knows she shouldn't be. She has seen the way Sirius looks at Remus before, she has seen how he's the one Sirius goes to when he's sad, but today, today Remus was her's, and something insides her breaks as the name slips out of Sirius tongue.

-That it's okay,though. Sometimes blokes like blokes.No big deal.-She finally says,before the silence gets uncomfortable.

Sirius smiles.

-It's not like I don't like women,though. I still do,goddamn,I still do.

-It's fine,Sirius. But I am going to bed now,okay? I am really tired and it's late.

-Yeah,sure. Goodnight,Lily!

They both go to their own dorms,exausthed by all that's happenened.

The next day,Lily is surprisingly quiet during breakfast,and even James,who is usually blunt, realizes it.  
She says she's tired and they believe her.

When Remus stay behind to talk to her,she does not tell him the truth. She tells him the kiss was lovely,but that she can't do it,and Remus understands it,he trully does. She does not tell him why,and he never asks.

LIfe goes on,and slowly,Remus stops thinking of Lily as his crush,mostly because James won't shut the fuck up about her.

She learns how to mend a broken heart and how to handstich it,because she knows Remus means more to Sirius than he could ever mean to her.She does not tell Sirius about her kiss with Remus,nor does she tells Alice,Mary or Marlene.He will remain her secret for many years.

 

****************************************************************************************************************************************  
-Lily,Remus won't tell me about his bloody first kiss! I am his BOYFRIEND,of course I deserve to know!

Sirius steps in the living room loudly,holding a bottle of fire whisky.

-Actually,it is a private matter and I do not have to tell you...

-Of course you have! Come on,Moonny!

James comes from the kitchen with shot glasses and lay them on the coffee table.

-Hey,Lily,tell us yours,that would be even better!-James says,laughing before pouring himself a drink.

-It's none of your business,James,and also...

-Come on,Lily!-James laughs,drinking his shot in a single sip.-You'll tell us yours after me and Pads tell ours,deal? You too Remus!

-Fine.then!-She says,and Sirius starts

-Okay,so I was 10 years old and there was this girl who used to come home,her parents were my parents friends,and I had a crush on her since forever.So it was the summer before First year and we kissed because we both wanted to know what it felt like,and then we both went to Hogwarts and we never spoke again,and yes,this is my story,Prongs,and I swear that if you laugh I will make you regret it.

-Who was her,Padfoot?-Lily asks,inquiringly

-You guys are gonna laugh...Okay it was Emily Bulstrode,okay? That Slytherin girl.Your turn,Prongs.

-Hm...I was 11 or 12,don't know,it was the summer before Second Year and she was a muggle girl in my hotel when I went to the beach that summer,so yeah,her name was Hannah and it was nice,actually.Now,Lily,your turn.

Lily's cheeks get red and when she looks at Remus,he's fidgeting in his seat.

-Okay,my first kiss was when we were in 2nd year...

She drags her glass of firewhisky to her lips and takes a big sip.She lets it lingers on her mouth for a while before swallowing it,let it burns her troath a bit before speaking.

-And...?-Sirius asks,because he is growing umpatiant

-Alright,my first kiss was with Remus,okay?!- She blurts out,her voice a little too loud

-Wait,as in OUR REMUS? As in Moonny Remus?-James looks shocked.

-How many Remus do you fucking know,Prongs?-Lily mutters behind her hands.

-OUR REMUS? As in MY BOYFRIEND REMUS?-Sirius nearly yells.

-YES,SIRIUS! I did kiss her,okay? And it was fucking brilliant,if you want to know.

-How dare you,Moonny??

-You weren't even into her yet and I had never even thought I might like guys and she was so kind to me! And it's not like it happened more than once anyways.

-It didn't?!-James asks,and Lily tries to figure out what were him expecting

-No,it didn't.-Lily says,calmer.She smiles at Remus from across the room.-But it was good,and it was ours,and I had such a major crush on him those days,and I kind of made a move on him when we were talking by the lake but the next day I say it couldn't happen again and we never talked about it until now. I was so happy and nervous when it happened!

James stars at her open mouthed while Sirius just stares at the bottom of his empty glass.

-What,James,is not like you thought you were my first kiss.

-No,but I never thought...You and Remus...

-Look,it happened once,like,10 years ago,so could you just get over it? It will not happen again anyway,and,as Sirius says, " Once you go Black,you never go Back",so could y'all just chill about it?!-Remus says,before getting up and putting the firewhisky away.

 

It's 5 am and Remus is only twenty two . Sirius gets up and kiss him straight in the mouth,as they are standing in a crowded apartment in London they all share.

There's a big window,here,and they all can see the sunrise.

The sky is a big black mess and Remus thinks of a boy. He thinks,too,of how he love this boy's kisses,his leather jacket and motorbike,his long raven hair. He has grey eyes and thinks rules are made for breaking. He helps Remus with healing and Remus teaches him all he can about keeping calm.A boy that is a rebel and bold and brave and reckless,a drama queen. A boy who is not kind,or gentle,but loves fiercily,passionatedly. It's a little past 5 and Remus thinks of a boy who loves him. And this boy is here,kissing him,leaving bruises in his hipbones and hickeys on his neck.He thinks of a boy who is named after a star,who tastes like cigarretes and bitter coffee,and Remus loves it.

Life goes on. And he will never be his secret,not even for a second.

And it's alright.


End file.
